How do you relate to a person you just met? How do you relate to the things you do? How do you relate to your family? How do you relate to traffic? How do you relate to yourself?
In a sense we are all relating to everything around us and inside us at all times. It's possible to be conscious of these relationships or unconscious. They are both valid. They both have their consequences.
A way for me to become conscious of how I relate to something is through my internal diologue. That always running chatter. How I relate to a person I just met might be by wondering how to get them to like me, wondering what I can get from them, wondering what they want from me, thinking about how they compare to me or people I know, judging their appearance, way of acting and talking, wanting to relate, wanting to get away as quickly as possible, trying to be right etc...
As soon as I start to notice my internal dialogue about the world, I start to see the patterns of how I relate to everything. It becomes clear to me that the way I relate to you is the same way I relate to me. I am the source of the relating.
I then start to shift my internal dialogue. I start to notice and make adjustments. When I meet someone I might consciously notice all the things I enjoy about this person. Focusing on the things I find pleasing rather that the things I'm critical of. Not to get them to like me or get anything from them, simply because I choose to. And, when I shift my internal dialogue away from being critical of others, I am less critical of myself. I start to be accepting of myself just the way I am.
Another key to shifting the internal dialogue is to notice how I relate to my internal dialogue itself. Instead of attaching to every thought as true and important, let them pass by. Like watching clouds. Acknowledge that they are there and watch them go by. Realizing that these thoughts are not you. The thoughts are transient. They can change in an instant.
Start to choose thoughts. Plant them like seeds. Tend them until they are established. And sooner or lated they become habit. Just like anything you do repeatedly.
Does shifting the way you relate to things shift your world? Enjoy!
copyright Yvonne Falk®
